Oliver! - The Musical
  [the following is from Foosie..]

                                OLIVER! 1963
                                      
   Lionel Bart was 28 when he wrote the book, music and lyrics to OLIVER!
   based on the 1838 Charles Dickens classic OLIVER TWIST.  (Bart had
   changed his last name from Begleiter when he was 24.)  He had started
   out writing pop tunes for Tommy Steele (having been in a skiffle group
   called the Caveman with him), and had written two previous successful
   West End Shows, FINGS AIN'T WOT THEY USED T'BE (music and lyrics -
   1957) and LOCK UP YOUR DAUGHTERS (lyrics - 1959).  According to Rex
   Bunnett writing in The Musicals, originally Bart was looking to create
   a vehicle to star Tommy Steele when he decided to adapt OLIVER TWIST,
   but that plan went out the window when Bart limited the show to the
   early part of the book that also formed the basis for the successful
   1948 David Lean film.  By the time OLIVER! opened on Broadway, Bart
   had 3 hit shows running simultaneously in London, OLIVER!, LOCK UP
   YOUR DAUGHTERS and BLITZ (music and lyrics).  He died April 4, 1999.
   
   See also 
   
   FOOD, GLORIOUS FOOD
   
   Is it worth the waiting for?
   If we live 'til eighty-four
   All we ever get is gru...el!
   Ev'ry day we say our prayer --
   Will they change the bill of fare?
   Still we get the same old gru...el!
   There's not a crust, not a crumb can we find,
   Can we beg, can we borrow, or cadge,
   But there's nothing to stop us from getting a thrill
   When we all close our eyes and imag...ine
   
   Food, glorious food!
   Hot sausage and mustard!
   While we're in the mood
   Cold jelly and custard!
   Pease pudding and saveloys!
   What next is the question.
   Rich gentlemen have it, boys:
   In-di-gestion!
   
   Food, glorious food!
   We're anxious to try it.
   Three banquets a day --
   Our favourite diet!
   Just picture a great big steak --
   Fried, roasted or stewed.
   Oh, food,
   Wonderful food,
   Marvellous food,
   Glorious food.
   
   Food, glorious food!
   What is there more handsome?
   Gulped, swallowed or chewed --
   Still worth a king's ransom!
   What is it we dream about?
   What brings on a sigh?
   Piled peaches and cream, about
   Six feet high!
   
   Food, glorious food!
   Eat right through the menu.
   Just loosen your belt
   Two inches and then you
   Work up a new appetite.
   In this interlude --
   Then food,
   Once again, food
   Fabulous food,
   Glorious food!
   
   Food, glorious food!
   Don't care what it looks like:
   Burned, underdone, crude --
   Don't care what the cook's like.
   Just thinking of growing fat --
   Our senses go reeling.
   One moment of knowing that
   Full-up feeling!
   
   Food, glorious food!
   What wouldn't we give for
   That extra bit more --
   That's all that we live for.
   Why should we be fated to
   Do nothing but brood
   On food,
   Magical food,
   Wonderful food,
   Marvellous food,
   Fabulous food,
   Beautiful food,
   Glorious food!
   
   OLIVER!
   
   Mr. Bumble, the parish beadle, enters.  (The dictionary defines a
   beadle as an inferior parish officer in England having a variety of
   duties, as the preservation of order in church service, the
   chastisement of petty offenders, etc.)  He is accompanied by the Widow
   Corney, the Workhouse Mistress.  Mr. Bumble hands out the day's meagre
   food to the boys.  When he signals the boys they can start eating,
   they wolf down the food to the tune of OLIVER.  When they finish,
   Oliver requests a second helping.
   
   MR. BUMBLE: For what you are about to receive
   May the Lord make you truly thankful.
   BOYS:   Amen.
   OLIVER:   Please, Sir, I want some more.
   MR. BUMBLE:   What?
   OLIVER:   Please, Sir, I want some more.
   MR. BUMBLE: More!
   WIDOW CORNEY: Catch him!
   MR. BUMBLE: Snatch him!
   WIDOW CORNEY: Hold him!
   MR. BUMBLE: Scold him!
   WIDOW CORNEY: Pounce him!
   Trounce him!
   Pick him up and bounce him!
   MR. BUMBLE: Wait!
   Before we put the boy to task
   May I be so curious as to ask
   His name?
   BOYS: O-li-ver
   WIDOW CORNEY AND MR. BUMBLE: Oliver! Oliver!
   MR. BUMBLE: Never before has a boy wanted more!
   MR. BUMBLE AND WIDOW CORNEY: Oliver! Oliver!
    MR. BUMBLE: Won't ask for more when he knows what's in store.
   There a dark, thin, winding
   Stairway without any bannister
   Which we'll throw him down, and
   Feed him on cockroaches
   Served in a canister
   ALL: Oliver! Oliver!
   MR. BUMBLE:  What will he do
   When he's turned black and blue?
   He will curse the day
   Somebody named him
   ALL: O-li-ver!
   MR. BUMBLE AND WIDOW CORNEY: Oliver! Oliver!
   MR. BUMBLE: Never before has a boy wanted more!
   MR. BUMBLE AND WIDOW CORNEY: Oliver! Oliver!
   WIDOW CORNEY: He won't ask for more
   When he knows what's in store.
   MR. BUMBLE: There's a sooty chimney
   Long overdue for a sweeping out
   Which we'll push him up,
   And one day next year
   With the rats he'll be creeping out!
   ALL:   Oliver! Oliver!
   MR. BUMBLE: What will her do
   In this terrible stew?
   He will rue the day
   Somebody named him...
   ALL:   O-li-ver!
   
   I SHALL SCREAM
   
   Oliver is dragged off as Bumble and the Widow do a bit of courting.
   When the beadle sneaks a kiss, the Widow protests:
   
   
   WIDOW CORNEY:   Mr. Bumble, I shall scream!
   MR. BUMBLE: No, you wouldn't, heigh-ho.
   If I wanted something special,
   Then you couldn't say "no".
   Did I nearly catch you smiling?
   Yes I did, and it's beguiling.
   If your hand is close, I'll press it.
   Yes, you like it -- come confess it!
   Yes, you do.
   WIDOW CORNEY:   No, I don't.
   MR. BUMBLE: Yes, you do!
   WIDOW CORNEY:   I shall scream! I shall scream!
   Til they hasten to my rescue, I shall scream.
   MR. BUMBLE: Since there's nobody that's near us
   Who can see us or can hear us,
   If I ask you can I kiss you
   Say what will my pretty miss do?
   WIDOW CORNEY:   I shall scream, scream, scream!
   MR. BUMBLE: If I pinch you one pinch --
   From you shy protective shell,
   Can I un-inch you one inch?
   Will my blithesome, buxom beauty
   Let her suitor do his duty?
   Though his lap ain't very large, dear
   Sit upon it -- there's no charge, dear.
   Will you sit?
   WIDOW CORNEY:   No, I shan't
   MR. BUMBLE:   Will you sit?
   WIDOW CORNEY:   I shall scream! I shall scream!
   For the safety of my virtue I shall scream.
   Though your knee is rather cozy,
   See my cheeks are getting rosy.
   You would have me in your power.
   If I sat here for an hour.
   MR. BUMBLE (gasping under her weight):   I shall scream, scream,
   scream!
   WIDOW CORNEY (getting off his lap): You're a naughty bad man,
   If you think I can't be proper,
   Prim and haughty -- I can
   And you'll pardon if I mention
   You must state your true intention. How?
   MR. BUMBLE:   Is there not another room here?
   WIDOW CORNEY  (regretfully):   No.
   MR. BUMBLE: If there were a bride and groom here --
   Would there be?
   WIDOW CORNEY:   Well, there might.
   MR. BUMBLE:   We shall see.
   WIDOW CORNEY: I shall scream! I shall scream!
   At the thought of what you're thinking,
   I shall scream!
   MR. BUMBLE: You will wonder where that scream went
   When we come to an agreement.
   As my lovey-dove is chubby,
   Could she love a chubby hubby?
   WIDOW CORNEY:   I shall scream, Mr. Bumble!
   I shall scream, Bumble-Wumble!
   I shall scream, scream (what, now?) scream!
   (Kiss).
   
   BOY FOR SALE
   
   
   Oliver is brought to Mr. Bumble with all his worldly belongings in a
   small bundle.  Bumble takes him off to sell, singing:
   
   One boy,
   Boy for sale.
   He's going cheap.
   Only seven guineas.
   That or thereabouts.
   
   Small boy,
   Rather pale
   From lack of sleep.
   Feed him gruel dinners;
   Stop him getting stout.
   
   If I should say he wasn't very greedy,
   I could not, I'd be telling you a tale.
   One boy,
   Boy for sale.
   Come take a peep.
   Have you ever seen
   As nice a boy for sale?
   
    THAT'S YOUR FUNERAL
   
   Mr. Bumble takes Oliver to the undertaker's parlor of Mr. and Mrs.
   Sowerberry and sells him into indentured servitude for 5 pounds.
   Sowerberry intends to use Oliver as a coffin follower.  We learn
   Oliver's full name is Oliver Twist, named by Mr. Bumble when his
   mother died in childbirth.  Sowerberry puts a top hat on Oliver and is
   pleased with the effect.
   
   MR. BUMBLE: He's a born undertaker's mute:
   I can see him in his black silk suit
   Following behind the funeral procession
   With his features fixed in a suitable expression.
   There'll be horses with tall black plumes
   To escort us to the family tombs,
   With mourners
   In all corners
   Who've been taught to weep in tune.
   
   Then the coffin lined with satin.
   That's your funeral.
   MRS. SOWERBERRY: That's your funeral.
   SOWERBERRY: Large enough to wear your hat in.
   That's your funeral.
   MRS. SOWERBERRY: That's your funeral.
   SOWERBERRY:   We're just here to glamorize you for that
   Endless sleep.
   MR. & MRS. SOWERBERRY: You might just as well look fetching
   When you're six feet deep.
   MRS. SOWERBERRY:   At the wake we'll drink a toddy
   To the body beautiful.
   MR. SOWERBERRY: That's your funeral.
   MRS. SOWERBERRY: Not our funeral.
   MR. & MRS. SOWERBERRY: That's your funeral.
   SOWERBERRY:   If you're fond of overeating
   That's your funeral.
   MRS. SOWERBERRY:   That's your funeral.
   SOWERBERRY:   Starve yourself by undereating
   That's your funeral.
   MR. BUMBLE: That's my funeral.
   MRS. SOWERBERRY: Visualize the earth descending on you clod by clod.
   You can't come back when you're buried
   Underneath the sod.
   MR. & MRS. SOWERBERRY: We will not reduce our prices.
   Keep your vices usual.
   SOWERBERRY:   That's your funeral
   MRS. SOWERBERRY: Not our funeral.
   ALL:   That's your funeral.
   MR. BUMBLE:   I don't think this song is funny.
   SOWERBERRY:   That's your funeral.
   MR. BUMBLE:   Here's the boy, now where's the money?
   SOWERBERRY:   That's your funeral.
   MRS. SOWERBERRY: That's your funeral.
   MR. BUMBLE:   That's your funeral.
   SOWERBERRY:   We don't harbour thoughts macabre,
   There's no need to frown
   MR. & MRS. SOWERBERRY: In the end we'll either burn you up or nail you
   down.
   We love coughs and wheezes
   And diseases called incurable.
   That's your funeral.
   No one else's funeral.
   SOWERBERRY:   That's your...
   MRS. SOWERBERRY:   That's your...
   MR. & MRS. SOWERBERRY: Funeral!
   
   WHERE IS LOVE?
   
   Oliver is given some scraps to eat and then is left alone to sleep
   among the coffins.  He sings:
   
   Where is love?
   Does it fall from skies above?
   Is it underneath the willow tree
   That I've been dreaming of?
   Where is she
   Who I close my eyes to see?
   Will I ever know the sweet "hello"
   That's meant for only me?
   
   Who can say where she may hide?
   Must I travel far and wide?
   'Til I am beside the someone who
   I can mean something to.
   Where,
   Where is love?
   
   Who can say where she may hide?
   Must I travel far and wide?
   'Til I am beside the someone who
   I can mean something to.
   Where,
   Where is love?
   
   The next morning Noah Claypole arrives for work; he calls Oliver
   "Workhouse" and rags him about his mother, goading Oliver into a
   fight.  Oliver winds up in a coffin, which Noah and the Sowerberries
   sit on.  They get Mr. Bumble who tries to intimidate Oliver to no
   avail.  Bumble blames the Sowerberries for feeding him meat.  Bumble
   lets Oliver out of the coffin and he manages to run away.
   
   CONSIDER YOURSELF
   
   A week later Oliver is walking along Paddington Green.  The Dodger
   comes by, dressed in a top hat and an oversized overcoat, and sizes up
   the runaway.  The Dodger offers Oliver lodgings with a "respectable
   old gentleman" named Fagin.  They introduce themselves, Dodger as Jack
   Dawkins to his "hintimate" friends, which upon reflection, he realizes
   he doesn't have.
   
   DODGER: Consider yourself at home.
   Consider yourself  one of the family.
   We've taken to you so strong,
   It's clear we're going to get along.
   Consider yourself well in.
   Consider yourself part of the furniture.
   There isn't a lot to spare.
   Who cares? Whatever we got we share!
   
   If it should chance to be
   We should see
   Some harder days,
   Empty-larder days,
   Why grouse?
   Always a chance we'll meet
   Somebody to foot the bill,
   Then the drinks are on the house!
   Consider yourself our mate.
   We don't want to have no fuss,
   For after some consideration, we can state
   Consider yourself
   One of us!
   
   Consider yourself...
   OLIVER: At home?
   DODGER:   Consider yourself...
    OLIVER:   One of the family?
   CAPTAIN:   We've taken to you
   OLIVER:   So strong?
   DODGER:   It's clear we're
   BOTH:   Going to get along.
   DODGER:   Consider yourself...
   OLIVER:   Well in?
   DODGER:   Consider yourself...
   OLIVER: Part of the furniture?
   BOTH: There isn't a lot to spare!
   Who cares?
   Whatever we got we share.
    DODGER: Nobody tries to be lah-di-dah and uppity.
   There a cup o'tea for all.
   Only it's wise to be handy wiv' a rolling pin
   When the landlord comes to call!
    BOTH: Consider yourself
   Our mate.
   We don't want to have no fuss,
   For after some consideration we can state
   Consider yourself
   One of us!
   COMPANY: Consider yourself at home.
   We've taken to you so strong.
   Consider yourself well in.
   There isn't a lot to spare
   
   If it should chance to be
   We should see
   Some harder days --
   Empty-larder days --
   Why grouse?
   Always a chance we'll meet
   Somebody to foot the bill --
   Then the drinks are on the house!
   
   Consider yourself our mate.
   We don't want to have no fuss,
   For after some consideration, we can state
   Consider yourself
   One of us!
   
   Consider yourself at home.
   Consider yourself  one of the family.
   We've taken to you so strong,
   It's clear we're going to get along.
   
   Consider yourself well in,
   Consider yourself part of the furniture.
   There isn't a lot to spare.
   Who cares? Whatever we got we share!
   
   If it should chance to be
   We should see
   Some harder days,
   Empty-larder days,
   Why grouse?
   Always a chance we'll meet
   Somebody to foot the bill,
   Then the drinks are on the house!
   
   Consider yourself our mate.
   We don't want to have no fuss,
   For after some consideration, we can state
   Consider yourself
   One of us!
   
   YOU'VE GOT TO PICK A POCKET OR TWO
   
   Dodger takes Oliver to meet Fagin.  Oliver notices all the
   handkerchiefs hanging up and wonders if Fagin runs a laundry.  Fagin
   says his line of business pays a little better. With the help of his
   boys, Fagin demonstrates.
   
   FAGIN:   Let's show Oliver how to do it, my dears. You see, Oliver,
   In this life, one thing counts:
   In the bank, large amounts!
   I'm afraid these don't grow on trees,
   You've got to pick a pocket or two.
   You've got to pick a pocket or two, boys,
   You've got to pick a pocket or two.
   BOYS:   Large amounts don't grow on trees.
   You've got to pick a pocket or two.
   FAGIN:   Why should we break our backs
   Stupidly paying tax?
   Better get some untaxed income:
   Better pick a pocket or two.
   You've got to pick a pocket or two, boys,
   You've got to pick a pocket or two.
   Sing, boys!
   BOYS :   Why should we all break our backs?
   Better pick a pocket or two.
   FAGIN :   Charlie, take your hat off while you're in class!
   
   Robin Hood, what a crook:
   Gave away all he took.
   Charity's fine, subscribe to mine.
   Get out and pick a pocket or two.
   You've got to pick a pocket or two, boys,
   You've got to pick a pocket or two.
   BOYS:   Robin Hood was far too good.
   Get out and pick a pocket or two.
   FAGIN: Watch the beat, boys!
   
   Take a tip from Bill Sikes:
   He can whip what he likes.
   I recall, he started small;
   He had to pick a pocket or two.
   You've got to pick a pocket or two, boys,
   You've got to pick a pocket or two.
   BOYS:   We can be like old Bill Sikes
   If we pick a pocket or two.
   FAGIN: Pay attention!
   
   Dear old gent passing by,
   Something nice takes his eye.
   Everything's clear, attack the rear!
   Get in and pick a pocket or two.
   You've got to pick a pocket or two, boys,
   You've got to pick a pocket or two.
   BOYS:   Have no fear, attack the rear.
   Get in and pick a pocket or two.
   FAGIN: When I see someone rich,
   Both my thumbs start to itch.
   Only to find some peace of mind
   I have to pick a pocket or two.
   You've got to pick a pocket or two, boys,
   You've got to pick a pocket or two.
   BOYS:   Just to find some peace of mind
   FAGIN AND BOYS: You have to pick a pocket or two!
   
   The boys hand over the day's takings to Fagin.  Fagin tries to teach
   Oliver the art of picking a pocket and rewards him with sixpence.
   Oliver's now got sixpence, a home and a profession.
   
   The next morning while the boys are all asleep, Fagin takes a box from
   a trapdoor in the floor; this is his miser's hoard, which he gloats
   over.  His little pleasure:  "a cup of coffee and a quick count-up".
   Oliver wakes up and sees him, to Fagin's displeasure; he sends Oliver
   off for a wash while he hides his treasure again.
   
   IT'S A FINE LIFE
   
   Nancy and Bet arrive; Nancy swigs gin, which she calls a small
   pleasure.
   
   NANCY: Small pleasures, small pleasures,
   Who would deny us these?
   Gin toddies -- large measures --
   No skimping if you please!
   I rough it.  I love it.
   Life is a game of chance.
   I'll never tire of it --
   Leading this merry dance.
   If you don't mind having to go without things,
   It's a fine life!
   ALL :   Fine life!
   NANCY :   And though it ain't all jolly old pleasure outings,
   It's a fine life!
   ALL:   Fine life!
   NANCY: When you've got someone to love,
   You forget your cares and strife.
   Let the prudes look down on us.
   Let the wide world frown on us.
   It's a fine, fine life!
   BET and NANCY: Who cares if straightlaces
   Sneer at us in the street?
   Fine airs and fine graces
   NANCY:   Don't have to sin to eat.
   BET and NANCY: We wander through London
   Who knows what we many find?
   There's pockets left undone
   On many a behind.
   NANCY:   If you don't mind taking it like it turns out,
   It's a fine life!
   ALL:   Fine life!
   NANCY:   And keep the candle burning until it burns out.
   It's a fine life!
    ALL:   Fine life!
   NANCY: Though you sometimes do come by
   The occasional black eye,
   You can always cover one
   While he blacks the other one,
   But you don't dare cry.
   BET: No flounces, no feathers,
   No frills and furbelows.
   All winds and all weathers
   Ain't good for fancy clothes.
   NANCY:   These trappings,
   BET:   These tatters,
   BET and NANCY:  These we can just afford.
   NANCY:   What future?
   BET:   What matters:
   BET and NANCY: We've got our bed and board.
   NANCY:   If you don't mind having to deal with Fagin,
   It's a fine life!
   ALL:   Fine life!
   NANCY: And though diseased rats threaten to bring the plague in,
   It's a fine life!
   ALL:   Fine life!
   NANCY:   But the grass is green and dense
   On the right side of the fence.
   And we take good care of it
   That we get our share of it
    ALL: And we don't mean pence!
   BET and NANCY: If you don't mind having to like or lump it,
   It's a fine life!
   ALL:   Fine life!
   NANCY: Though there's no tea-sippin' and eatin' crumpet,
   It's a fine life!
   ALL: Fine life!
   NANCY: Not for me, the happy home:
   Happy husband, happy wife.
   Though it sometimes touches me,
   For the likes of such as me,
   Mine's a fine.
   ALL: Fine life!
   
    I'D DO ANYTHING
   
   Nancy and Bet are introduced to Oliver.  Nancy says no one knows how a
   gentleman of quality acts, "except Dodge."
   
   NANCY: Here, Dodge, have you seen the way the quality gentlemen treats
   their ladies?
   DODGER: Of course, I have.
   NANCY: Shall we show 'em how it's done?
   DODGER: Definitely.
   FAGIN: Oh, come on, Nancy, give us a free show on the stage!
   
   NANCY:   All right, all right, 'ow does it go now, Dodge?  It's all
   bowin' and 'ats off and --
   DODGER: And "don't let your petticoat dangle in the mud, my darling."
   NANCY:   And I'll go last.
   DODGER:   No, no, I'll go last.
   NANCY: I'll go last.
   DODGER:   I'd do anything,
   For you, dear, anything,
   For you mean ev'rything to me.
   I know that
   I'd go anywhere,
   For your smile, anywhere,
   For your smile ev'rywhere I'd see.
   NANCY:   Would you climb a hill?
   DODGER:   Anything!
   NANCY:   Wear a daffodil?
   DODGER:   Anything!
   NANCY: Leave me all your will?
   DODGER: Anything!
   NANCY:   Even fight my Bill?
   DODGER:   Wot? Fisticuffs?
   I'd risk ev'rything,
   For one kiss -- ev'rything.
   Yes, I'd do anything!
   NANCY:   Anything?
   DODGER:   Anything for you!
   NANCY: Oliver, you do everything you saw 'im do, and I'll tell you all
   the words you don't know, alright?
   OLIVER: I'd do anything
   NANCY:   For you, dear,
   OLIVER:   For you, dear, anything
   NANCY:   For you mean
   OLIVER:   For you mean everything to me.
   I know that
   I'd go anywhere,
   For your smile, anywhere,
   For your smile ev'rywhere I'd see
   BET:   Would you lace my shoe?
   OLIVER:   Anything!
   BET:   Paint your face bright blue?
   OLIVER:   Anything!
   BET: Catch a kangaroo?
   OLIVER:   Anything!
   BET:   Go to Timbuctoo?
   OLIVER: And back again!
   I'd risk ev'rything
   For one kiss -- ev'rything --
   Yes, I'd do anything
   BET:   Anything?
   OLIVER:   Anything for you!
   DODGER: Come on, Fagin!
   FAGIN:   Would you rob a shop?
   ALL:   Anything!
   FAGIN:   Would you risk the "drop"?
   ALL:   Anything!
   FAGIN:   Though your eyes go pop
   ALL: Anything!
   FAGIN:   When you come down plop?
   ALL:  Hang ev'rything!
   We'd risk life and limb
   To keep you in the swim.
   Yes, we'd do anything!
   FAGIN: Anything?
   ALL:   Anything for you.
   
   BE BACK SOON
   
   Fagin sends the boys out to pick pockets, with Oliver under the
   Dodger's watchful tutelage.
   
   FAGIN: Good luck on your first job, Oliver, my dear. I shall be
   waiting for you 'ere when you come back.
   
   You can go, but be back soon.
   You can go, but while you're working
   This place, I'm pacing 'round
   Until you're home, safe and sound.
   
   Fare thee well, but be back soon.
   Who can tell where danger's lurking?
   Do not forget this tune: be back soon.
   BOYS: How could we forget
   How could we let
   Our dear old Fagin worry?
   We love him so,
   We'll come back home
   In, oh, such a great big hurry.
   DODGER:   It's him that pays the piper.
   BOYS: It's us that pipes his tune.
   So long, fare thee well,
   Pip! Pip! Cheerio!
   We'll be back soon.
   FAGIN: You can go but be back soon.
   You can go, but bring back plenty
   Of pocket handkerchieves;
   And you should be clever thieves.
   Whip it quick, and be back soon.
   There's a sixpence here for twenty:
   Ain't that a lovely tune?
   Be back soon.
   DODGER: Our pockets'll hold
   A watch of gold
   That chimes upon the hour.
   BOYS:   A wallet fat
   An old man's hat
   The crown jewels from the tower.
   We know the Bow Street Runners,
   DODGER: But they don't know this tune:
   ALL: So long, fare thee well.
   Pip! Pip! Cheerio!
   We'll be back soon.
   FAGIN: Cheerio, but be back soon.
   I dunno, somehow I'll miss you.
   I love you, that's why I
   Say, "Cheerio"
   Not goodbye.
   
   Don't be gone long
   Be back soon.
   Give me one long last look, bless you.
   Remember our old tune: be back soon!
   BOYS: We must disappear,
   We'll be back here,
   Today, perhaps tomorrow.
   We'll miss you too
   It's sad but true
   That parting is such sweet sorrow.
   
   And when we're in the distance
   You'll hear this whispered tune:
   So long, fare thee well
   Pip! Pip! Cheerio!
   We'll be back soon.
   
   FAGIN: BOYS :
   Cheerio, but be back soon.
   I dunno, somehow I'll miss you
   I love you, that why I
   Say, "Cheerio"
   Not goodbye.
   
   Don't be gone long
   Be back soon.
   Give me one long, last look, bless you.
   Remember our old tune:
   Be back soon!
   We must disappear,
   We'll be back here,
   Today, perhaps tomorrow.
   We'll miss you too;
   It's sad but true
   That parting is such sweet sorrow.
   
   And when we're in the distance
   You'll hear this whispered tune:
   So long, fare thee well
   Pip! Pip! Cheerio!
   We'll be back soon.
   
   And when we're in the distance
   You'll hear this whispered tune:
   So long, fare thee well,
   Pip! Pip! Cheerio!
   BOYS and FAGIN: We'll be back soon.
   DODGER: So long, fare thee well,
   Pip! Pip! Cheerio!
   We'll be back soon.
   BOYS: So long, fare thee well,
   Pip! Pip! Cheerio!
   BOYS and FAGIN We'll be back soon
   DODGER: So long, Fagin.
   FAGIN: Dodger, if you happen to pass the Tower of London,
   have a look at the Crown Jewels, won't you, boy?
   DODGER: Alright, ta ra!
   
   Out on the street, Mr. Brownlow's pocket is picked by one of the boys
   and Oliver is mistakenly accused, chased and captured for the Act I
   cliffhanger.
   
   OOM-PAH-PAH
   
   At the Three Cripples public house that evening, as the customers
   drink and have a raucous good time, the landlord calls upon Nancy to
   sing the "old school song":
   
   NANCY: All right!  All right!  'Ere we go then!
   
   There's a little ditty
   They're singin' in the city,
   Especially when they've been
   On the gin or the beer.
   If you've got the patience,
   Your own imaginations
   'll tell you just exactly what you want to hear:
   ALL: Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah!
   That's how it goes,
   Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah!
   Ev'ryone knows:
   NANCY: They all suppose what they want to suppose
   When they hear oom-pah-pah!
   
   Mister Percy Snodgrass
   Would often have the odd glass --
   But never when he thought anybody could see.
   Secretly he'd buy it,
   And drink it on the quiet,
   And dream he was an Earl
   Wiv' a girl on each knee!
   ALL: Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah!
   That's how it goes.
   Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah!
   Ev'ryone knows:
   NANCY: What is the cause of his red shiny nose?
   Could it be oom-pah-pah?
   
   Pretty little Sally
   Goes walkin' down the alley,
   Displays a pretty ankle to all of the men.
   They could see her garters,
   But not for free and gratis --
   An inch or two, and then
   She knows when to say when!
   ALL: Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah!
   That's how it goes.
   Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah!
   Ev'ryone knows:
   NANCY: Whether it's hidden, or whether it shows --
   It's the same, oom-pah-pah!
   
   She was from the country,
   But now she's up a gum-tree --
   She let a feller feed 'er, and lead 'er along.
   What's the use o' cryin'?
   She's made a bed to lie in.
   She's glad to bring a coin in,
   And join in this song!
   ALL: Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah!
   That's how it goes!
   Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah!
   Ev'ryone knows:
   NANCY: She is no longer the same blushin' rose
   Ever since oom-pah-pah!
   
   There's a little ditty
   They're singing in the city
   Especially when they've been
   On the gin or the beer.
   If you've got the patience,
   Your own imaginations
   'll tell you just exactly what you want to hear:
   ALL: Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah!
   That's how it goes,
   Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah!
   Ev'ryone knows:
   They all suppose what they want to suppose
   When they hear oom-pah-pah!
   
   MY NAME
   
   At the end of Nancy's song, Bill Sikes, her boyfriend enters.  The
   place grows quiet, as he carries with him a strong air of menace.
   
   SIKES:
   
   Strong men tremble when they hear it!
   They've got cause enough to fear it!
   It's much blacker than they smear it!
   Nobody mentions my name!
   
   Rich men hold their five-pound notes out;
   Saves me emptying their coats out.
   They know I could tear their throats out
   Just to live up to my name!
   
   Wiv' me jimmy in me hand,
   Let me see the man who dares
   Stop me taking what I may;
   He can start to say his prayers!
   
   Biceps like an iron girder,
   Fit for doing of a murder,
   If I just so much as heard a
   Bloke even whisper my name!
   
   Bill Sikes!
   
   Strong men tremble when they hear it!
   They've got cause enough to fear it!
   It's much blacker than they smear it!
   Nobody mentions my name!
   
   Some gent, slumming wiv' his valet,
   Bumped into me in an alley.
   Now is eyes'll never tally;
   He'd never heard of my name!
   
   One bloke used to boast a claim
   He could take my name in vain.
   Poor bloke, shame 'e was so green;
   Never was 'e seen again!
   
   Once bad -- what's the good of turning?
   In hell, I'll be there a-burning;
   Meanwhile, think of what I'm earning
   All on account of my name!
   
   What is it? What is it? What is it?  My name!
   
   AS LONG AS HE NEEDS ME
   
   Dodger and the boys rush into the pub to explain how Oliver was
   nicked but absolved in court and taken to the Bloomsbury home of the
   gentleman whose pocket was picked.  Fagin and Sikes are worried that
   Oliver might talk, Sikes threatens Nancy until she agrees to retrieve
   Oliver.
   
   NANCY:
   
   As long as he needs me -
   Oh, yes, he does need me -
   In spite of what you see,
   I'm sure that he needs me.
   
   Who else would love him still
   When they've been used so ill?
   He knows I always will
   As long as he needs me.
   
   I miss him so much
   When he is gone,
   But when he's near me
   I don't let on
   
   The way I feel inside,
   The love I've got to hide.
   The hell!  I've got my pride
   As long as he needs me.
   
   He doesn't say the things he should.
   He acts the way he thinks he should.
   But all the same, I'll play
   This game his way.
   
   As long as he needs me,
   I know where I must be;
   I'll cling on steadfastly
   As long as he needs me.
   
   As long as life is long,
   I'll love him right or wrong,
   And somehow, I'll be strong
   As long as he needs me.
   
   If you've been lonely
   Then you will know
   When someone needs you,
   You love them so.
   
   I won't betray his trust
   Though people say I must.
   I've got to stay true just
   As long as he needs me.
   
   WHO WILL BUY?
   
   At Mr. Brownlow's house, Oliver, cleaned up amid unaccustomed luxury,
   looks out of the window to see street sellers.
   
   ROSE-SELLER:   Who will buy my sweet red roses?
   Two blooms for a penny.
   Who will buy my sweet red roses?
   Two blooms for a penny.
   MILKMAID:   Will you buy any milk today, mistress?
   Any milk today, mistress?
   ROSE-SELLER:   Who will buy my sweet red roses?
   MILKMAID:   Any milk today, mistress?
   ROSE-SELLER: Two blooms for a penny.
   STRAWBERRY-SELLER:   Ripe strawberries, ripe!
   Ripe strawberries, ripe!
   
   STRAWBERRY-SELLER
   
                                 MILKMAID:
   
                                ROSE-SELLER:
   KNIFE GRINDER:
   Ripe strawberries, ripe! Any milk today, mistress? Who will buy my
   sweet red roses? Knives, knives to grind!
   Any knives to grind?
   Knives, knives to grind!
   Any knives to grind?
   Who will buy?
   
   STRAWBERRY-SELLER: Who will buy?
   MILKMAID:   Who will buy?
   ROSE-SELLER:   Who will buy?
   OLIVER: Who will buy this wonderful morning?
   Such a sky you never did see!
   ROSE-SELLER:   Who will buy my sweet red roses?
   OLIVER: Who will tie it up with a ribbon
   And put it in a box for me?
   STRAWBERRY-SELLER:   Ripe strawberries, ripe!
   OLIVER: So I could see it at my leisure,
   Whenever things go wrong,
   And I would keep it as a treasure
   To last my whole life long.
   MILKMAID:   Any milk today?
   OLIVER:   Who will buy this wonderful feeling?
   I'm so high I swear I could fly.
   KNIFE GRINDER:   Knives! Knives to grind!
   STRAWBERRY-SELLER:   Ripe strawberries, ripe!
   OLIVER: Me, oh my!  I don't want to lose it
   So what am I to do
   To keep the sky so blue?
   There must be someone who will buy...
   LONG SONG SELLER:   Who will buy?
   KNIFE GRINDER:   Who will buy?
   MILKMAID:   Who will buy?
   ROSE-SELLER:   Who will buy?
   ALL: Who will buy this wonderful morning?
   Such a sky you never did see!
   Who will tie it up with a ribbon
   And put it in a box for me?
   
   There'll never be a day so sunny,
   It could not happen twice.
   Where is the man with all the money?
   It's cheap at half the price!
   
   Who will buy this wonderful feeling?
   I'm so high I swear I could fly.
   Me, oh my!  I don't want to lose it
   So what am I to do
   To keep the sky so blue?
   OLIVER:   There must be someone who will buy
   ROSE-SELLER:   Who will buy my sweet red roses?
   Two blooms for a penny!
   
   Brownlow has noticed a likeness between Oliver and his daughter Agnes.
    Brownlow has some books to be returned to a bookseller and decides to
   send Oliver on this errand.  When Oliver emerges from the house, Nancy
   pretends he's her little brother.  Oliver doesn't want to go with her,
   but Sikes appears, grabs him and takes him back to Fagin's.
   
   REVIEWING THE SITUATION
   
   Things don't seem to be going well, with Nancy finally standing up to
   Bill, and the threat that Oliver might have told Brownlow where Fagin
   and his pickpocket gang live.  Fagin stops to take stock:
   
   A man's got a heart, hasn't he?
   Joking apart -- hasn't he?
   And though I'd be the first one to say that I wasn't a saint,
   I'm finding it hard to be really as black as they paint.
   
   I'm reviewing the situation:
   Can a fellow be a villain all his life?
   All the trials and tribulation!
   Better settle down and get meself a wife.
   And a wife would cook and sew for me,
   And come for me, and go for me,
   And go for me and nag at me,
   The fingers she will wag at me.
   The money she will take from me.
   A misery, she'll make from me...
   I think I'd better think it out again!
   
   A wife you can keep, anyway;
   I'd rather sleep, anyway.
   Left without anyone in the world,
   And I'm starting from now,
   So how to win friends and to influence people?
   So how?
   
   I'm reviewing the situation:
   I must quickly look up ev'ryone I know:
   Titled people -- with a station --
   Who can help me make a real impressive show!
   I will own a suite at Claridges,
   And run a fleet of carriages,
   And wave at all the duchesses
   With friendliness, as much as is
   Befitting of my new estate...
   "Good morning to you, magistrate!" (beat)
   I think I'd better think it out again.
   
   So where shall I go -- somebody?
   Who do I know? Nobody!
   All my dearest companions
   Have always been villains and thieves.
   So at my time of life I should start
   Turning over new leaves?
   
   I'm reviewing the situation:
   If you want to eat -- you've got to earn a bob!
   Is it such a humiliation
   For a robber to perform an honest job?
   So a job I'm getting, possibly,
   I wonder who the boss'll be?
   I wonder if he'll take to me?
   What bonuses he'll make to me?
   I'll start at eight and finish late,
   At normal rate, and all, but wait!
   I think I'd better think it out again.
   
   What happens when I'm seventy?
   Must come a time, seventy.
   When you're old, and it's cold
   And who cares if you live or you die?
   The one consolation's the money
   You may have put by.
   
   I'm reviewing the situation:
   I'm a bad 'un and a bad 'un I shall stay!
   You'll be seeing no transformation,
   But it's wrong to be a rogue in ev'ry way.
   
   I don't want nobody hurt for me,
   Or made to do the dirt for me.
   This rotten life is not for me.
   It's getting far too hot for me.
   Don't want no one to rob for me.
   But who will find a job for me.
   There is no in between for me,
   But who will change the scene for me?
   I think I'd better think it out again!
   
   At the end of this wonderful comic/poignant number, when Fagin sings
   "but who will change the scene for me", the terrific Sean Kenny stage
   begins to revolve into the setting for the next scene.
   
   Widow Corney has married Mr. Bumble to his everlasting regret.  Old
   Sally wishes to make a dying confession to the workhouse Matron.
   Sally admits she robbed Oliver's mother on her deathbed of a golden
   locket.  Learning that Oliver comes from a rich family, the Bumbles
   set out to find him.  Bumble winds up at the home of Mr. Brownlow who
   has advertised for Oliver's return; Bumble gives him the locket which
   turns out to be a likeness of Brownlow's daughter, Agnes.
   
   Nancy shows up at Brownlow's and confesses her part in kidnapping
   Oliver, letting slip she had taken him to Fagin's.  Brownlow promises
   not to have Nancy watched or followed and she promises to bring Oliver
   to him that night at midnight on London Bridge.
   
   AS LONG AS HE NEEDS ME (REPRISE)
   
   NANCY:
   
   He doesn't act as though he cares,
   But deep inside I know he cares,
   And that is why I'm tied
   Right by his side.
   
   As long as he needs me
   I know where I must be
   But, will he never see
   That someone else needs me?
   
   As long as life is long,
   I'll love him - right or wrong,
   But he's so big and strong
   And someone else needs me:
   
   A child with no one to take his part.
   I'll take his part, Bill,
   But cross my heart
   I won't betray your trust
   Though people say I must.
   My heart will stay true just
   As long as Bill needs me.
   
   That night Nancy sets out with Oliver but runs into Sikes  He kills
   her (discreetly out of view of the audience) and her body falls from
   London Bridge.  Brownlow appears in time to see Sikes disappearing
   with Oliver.  He discovers Nancy's body and calls for help.  Sikes
   takes Oliver to Fagin's just as Brownlow is describing him to the
   police, who identify him as Bill Sikes.  Someone in the crowd spots
   Bill's dog and, angry at the death of the popular Nancy, they set off
   after it.  Sikes appears on the roof with Oliver bound in a rope,
   threatening to kill the boy.  A policeman shoots Sikes, who falls.
   Oliver is rescued and taken to Mr. Brownlow.  The police nab Dodger,
   who loudly protests.  Another policeman carts off Fagin's loot.
   
   REVIEWING THE SITUATION (REPRISE)
   
   Penniless and homeless, Fagin emerges from under the bridge and sings:
   
   Can somebody change?
   It's possible.
   Maybe it's strange,
   But it's possible.
   
   All my bosom companions and treasures --
   I've left them behind.
   I'll turn a leaf over, and who can tell what I may find?
   
   The curtain comes down on Act II to raise again for the Finale, which
   is a reprise of FOOD, GLORIOUS FOOD.  At the end of this, Mr.
   Brownlow, Bet and Oliver come out with a huge hamper of food.  Oliver
   says, "Help yourself, lads!" as the boys all cheer.
   
   There follows a reprise of CONSIDER YOURSELF and I'D DO ANYTHING.


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